The General's phobos
by toobeauty
Summary: Hephaestion thinks about his fears.


**Title:** The General´s Phobos.

**Author:** too_beauty.

**Pairing:** Alexander & Hephaestion.

**Rating:** PG.

**Disclaimer:** I don't know the people involved, no harm intended, everything is product of my imagination.  
**Feedback:** yes, please any kind of them will help me to improve my writing or leave it forever.

No beta, so all the mistakes are mine, sorry!!

"Alex …" Hephaestion called his lover while looking at him, prompted on one elbow.

"Ummm" a tired King murmured.

"I love you" the General whispered into the King´s ear.

"I know" Alexander sounded a bit more awaken.

"How?" Hephaestion asked with a hint of surprise in his voice.

"I just know it" the young king answered.

"Why?" the brunette asked now.

"I don´t know. It has always been like that" the blonde replied.

"Ah .." Hephaestion whispered.

Hephaestion got up from their camp bed with an empty and sad expression in his face. He washed and got dressed with a plain chiton and sandals.

"Phai?" a worried King asked with his head still resting on their pillow.

"Ummm" an absent-minded General murmured, with his back turned to his king.

"Why?" Alexander asked trying to make his lover turn round to face him.

"I don´t know" the Athenian answered in low voice.

"Is it important?" he asked while looking at his lover, nearly rising from their bed.

"Do not worry. Joy to you, Alexander" and saying that he left the King´s tent.

They didn´t have much to do those days, they were resting and gathering strength and supplies before they continued further East. The supplies were on their way; Hephaestion had reorganized the whole supply system of the army, and it was just a miracle to see how things ran so smoothly while camping; tents were put up after some minutes, food and water was always available, the army followers were so well organized that they had become an important part of it; even children loved doing things for the brunette General, such as picking some fruits or carrying small water skins. The General was very easy to please and he always praised people when doing something well, no matter if it was a big or small task. More and more people depended on him and he was happy to feel useful and needed.

But today he was feeling strange, well but as if something was disturbing him. He wanted to be alone, he needed solitude, he needed …. He really didn´t know what he needed, maybe reassurance.

Hephaestion knew since the beginning that his life was going to be difficult, he had chosen the hardest path: to love a King, to love a god. But he wouldn´t change any of those difficult moments, even though today he wanted to know why his love was taken for granted, as if it was his duty to love him.

Hephaestion decided to skip breakfast, his stomach was closed and he knew nothing would pass through his throat. His feet took him far away from the camp, to a near hill and he stood on it for a while as if he were absorbing the energy from Helios. Every soldier and person who saw him walking so lost in his thoughts got worried, and a single question ran throughout the camp: "What´s the problem with the handsome General?"

They couldn´t believe that their handsome General had that sad look in his beautiful blue eyes, eyes that made women and men sigh in love and lust; but today they were bright less, almost dead. Everybody followed his walking and if he had turned back to look at the camp, he would have seen thousands of people looking at him, wondering what his problem was. One of the thousands staring at him was Alexander, who was standing quietly in front of the Royal tent. He took a look to his campsite and he could see people whispering and pointing to the hill. A woman started to walk towards it carrying a basket with food. Alexander saw them talking on the hill and, when the woman returned to the camp with her basket, he stopped her.

"Has he taken any food?" he asked with concern.

"No, my King, I couldn´t even make him eat his sweet bread or an apple" the woman answered with a sad voice.

"Oh, didn´t he say anything?" he asked even more worried.

"That we shouldn't worry, that he needed to be alone. What is his problem, my King? What have you done to him?" she asked him crying and running away.

"I don´t know" Alexander answered whispering, "I don´t know".

Two hours later, the army saw their General sat down, propped on his hands and with his legs outstretched.

A little girl ran up the hill giving Hephaestion a straw hat to cover his head. Hephaestion fondly ruffled the girl´s hair but even though the girl tried to push him on his feet, he dismissed her after hugging her tenderly.

"What did he tell you, Cassandra?" the King asked the girl.

"Nothing, just thanks. Why is he up there alone?" she asked curiously.

"I don´t know" the King answered sighing.

"But you are the King, you must know" she said with a strong voice.

"I wish I knew, darling" he answered humbly.

"Is he your friend?"

"Yes, he is my dearest friend" he answered with love in his voice.

"Do you love him?" she asked with a certain curiosity.

"More than life itself!" he affirmed.

"Why?"

"Because he is Hephaestion" he said plainly.

"Why again?" she insisted.

"Because he is my better half" he answered after thinking.

"How do you know?"

"Because it has been like this since we were your age, Cassandra"

"How – do – you – know?" she asked again stressing each word.

"Because I can´t live without him, because my heart skips a beat whenever I see him, because he´s made of me a better person" he explained her.

"Does he know this?" Cassandra asked the King.

"I think so …" he answered feeling he was not so sure.

"Have you ever told him your true feelings, have you ever nude your heart?" she asked.

"No, I haven´t, I just assumed he knew" he said blushing.

"Love mustn´t be taken from granted, love must be lived and showed, love mustn't be hidden."

"You are too wise for being only eight, Cassi" he told her.

"That is because I can see what others can´t …" she said with a quiet voice.

"What have you seen in my Phai?" the King asked with hope in his voice.

"Will you believe me?" the little girl asked.

"Of course, I will."

"I saw love, hope, friendship but also fear and loneliness" she explained.

"Fear, why does he feel that?" Alexander asked surprisingly. "He is a brave warrior, he has proved himself in many battles, and he is also intelligent and quick at building up good relationships."

"Yes, but his fear is for you, the idea of losing you terrifies him, losing to a woman, to another man, to this world you want to conquer so badly, to death. "

"But he won´t lose me; if I get married, it´d be the King getting married to that woman, Alexander has been bonded and made vows to Hephaestion for the last ten years; I don´t long for another man because he means the world to me; my conquests are only important if he is by my side so we´d share them as any couple does, and not even Death with the three Moirai will set us apart." the King explained.

"I don´t think he knows this" Cassandra answered after thinking for a while.

"But he should, we´ve known each other for so many years that I cannot remember a moment when he wasn't by my side" Alexander said quietly.

"But he also feels alone, even though he is surrounded by thousands of people" the girl added.

"That´s not true! Cassi, I was outside our tent today when he took his walking to the hill and everybody stopped what they were doing to look at him" he said.

"Yes, but what about the Companions? What about the high-ranked officers? Didn´t you notice their wicked talking at his back? " she asked with surprise.

"But they do that because they are jealous, because they know I love him above everything and everyone, so he shouldn´t be worried about their bickering."

"That´s your problem, you minimize something that is really important to him" she said a bit annoyed.

"And that is …" the King asked clueless.

"Alexander, can´t you see it?" she asked with surprise. "His acceptance as part of your army because of his multiple skills and not only because he warms the King´s bed" she replied.

"Do you think that is what is worrying him?" he asked with surprise in his voice.

"Yes, but I feel there´s something else; you normally take things for granted because you are the great King" Cassandra affirmed.

"Some things I do, some others I don´t" he explained.

"What about his love? Do you take it for granted?" she asked again.

"Of course" he answered quickly.

"Why?"

"Because I love him back" he answered while smiling.

"And ….?"

"And what, Cassi? What do you mean?" the King wanted to know.

"I saw as if he needed reassurance, he needs to listen to your feelings for him, he needs you voice them, he doesn´t need to be speculating or wondering what you feel, you must show him" she replied.

" I tried many times, even to make our relationship public so each man and woman in my kingdom could know what he really means to me but he didn´t let me and I thought that I was embarrassing him" he said sadly.

"I don´t think he didn't allow because of his probable embarrassment, he was afraid of the consequences to you and, I suppose you started to keep your feelings to you, even when you two were alone" she guessed.

"Yes, that´s true, I don´t tell him anymore how much I love him, how happy he makes me feel, how much I miss him when we are apart, how proud I am of all his achievements " he said softly.

"That´s your answer, my King. Go and bring our Hephaestion back, please" she said with a big smile lighting her face.

"Thank you so much Cassandra, you´ll turn into a very wise woman and I´d always be grateful to you for this conversation. You can be one of my advisors whenever you want it" he added smiling back.

"Thank you Sire, I am just doing the honour to my great great grandmother" she said proudly.

"I should have realized you were a descendant of that Cassandra" he said.

"Go my King, go quick as Hermes, deliver your love and heal his soul and his heart" the little girl suggested.

"Yes, my darling, I am going right now" a more cheerful King answered.

But when Alexander turned to the hill, Hephaestion had disappeared and he was missing all day long. Alexander thought about sending some scouts but giving a second thought to his problem, he decided to wait outside their tent … and he waited for five long hours.

Alexander had always been able to spot Hephaestion from very long distances, among crowds as well as in battlefields, and there he was, his Hephaestion, entering the camp with the moon above his head, so many hours ago, Alexander thought, feeling a stab in his heart.

"You shouldn´t be outside with this mist, Alexander, You are not fully recovered from your last cold" Hephaestion said while looking at his King.

"I was waiting for you, love" the King replied smoothly.

Confusion could be seen in Hephaestion´s eyes; so long since he listened to Alexander called him Love. They entered the tent and Hephaestion found their table set, ready for an intimate dinner, he looked at Alexander asking why.

"I told you I was waiting for you" he said guiding him to the couch next to the table.

Alexander showed him all the food that was waiting for them: chicken, green vegetables, sweet bread, figs and cooked apples, all of it were Hephaestion´s favourite food. They ate quietly, Alexander didn´t dare to interrupt the peaceful atmosphere even though he was dying for speaking, but he decided that Hephaestion´s feelings were first. After the dinner, Alexander suggested a stroll around the campsite, Hephaestion looked at him with a strange look in his eyes because he couldn´t understand what was going on; but he agreed nodding with his head.

Their arms brushed while walking and coming near to a group of soldiers that were singing around a fire, Alexander took Hephaestion's hand and entwined their fingers. He felt how the General´s body tensed as the strings of a kithara so he brushed the insight of Hephaestion's wrist with his thumb pad to soothe him. Hephaestion looked at him and was rewarded with a lovely caress from his brown eyes.

They stopped to talk to the men; in fact Alexander did all the talking while Hephaestion remained at his side, hiding their entwined hands. They wished them "Health" and went on walking.

A slight shiver ran along Hephaestion's body, seeing that, Alexander put his arm around Hephaestion´s shoulder and brought him nearer to his body. In their way back to the royal tent, some soldiers looked at them, trying to hide their surprise because the King was hugging and caressing his First Companion's arm to get him warmer; a scene that was always suspected but rarely seen.

Alexander entered the tent and went directly to their inner and private chamber to prepare a bath; he ordered his pages to bring the hot stones to warm the sandal-scented water. Without listening Hephaestion, he went back to find his beloved standing outside the tent, looking at the stars and murmuring a pray to Aphrodite, his favourite goddess and protector of his family. He stood behind his General while embracing his waist and placing a warm kiss on his nape. The young King released a soft sigh and put his forehead on the General´s shoulder.

"Let´s get inside, a warm bath is waiting for us" he whispered.

"Why?" Hephaestion asked because he couldn´t hide his feelings anymore.

"Do you recall our conversation this morning?" the King asked.

"Oh, yes I do" Hephaestion added with a sad look.

"Would you remind me how it started?" the King asked again.

"Yes, I told you that I loved you and you answered that you knew that, then I asked how you knew it and you told me that you just knew it and finally I asked why and you answered that it had always been like that" Hephaestion answered breathlessly.

"I see you remember it well. I t wasn´t my intention to hurt you", he apologized.

"I know, Alexander. Let´s go to rest; I feel very tired" he said with a thread of voice.

"Can I ask you a favour, Phai?"

"Name it"

"Would you repeat this morning conversation?" the King asked shyly.

"What for? There is no need to do that again" the General explained.

"Please" Alexander pleaded taking Hephaestion´s hands in his.

Hephaestion sank his head; his chin touched his chest and sighed strongly, "Yes, my King, I can do that for you"

"Alex, I love you" he said with tiredness in his voice.

"I know, I love you too, Phai" he answered with a smiling voice.

"How?" Hephaestion asked now with an intriguing voice.

"I just know it, because I see you when you look at me with those big blue eyes of yours and I see love in them, apart from that you make me feel as if I were the only man on earth "

"You are the only one for me" Hephaestion whispered.

"I can see how important I am to you, how much I need you and how you made me a better man"

"Why?" Hephaestion asked with a more cheerful tone of voice.

"Because my heart jumps inside my chest whenever I see you, no matter if it was a moment ago; because I need your logical thinking which make me think before I act; because I love the way you speak to my army, without making any difference about their status or gender; because I cannot imagine my life without you by my side; because I love being one soul and one heart in two bodies but it is better when we are only one body too" he said blushing. "I love you because you are Hephaestion, my soul mate; my first and last love, the only one who knows me better than myself, because …."

Alexander´s confession was interrupted by soft warm lips kissing him; Hephaestion embraced his King tightly, with one arm around his waist while he caressed Alexander's nape, the kiss deepened as if they wanted to take each other´s breath.

The King guided his beloved to the bath, undressed him and paralyzed at the stunning view, his brunette lover was completely naked, bathed in moonlight, his tanned skin looked like gold and his eyes brightened as two big sapphires. He could also see some sun burnt areas and asked worriedly.

"Phai, why didn´t you tell me about your sun burnt?"

"Somebody made me forget about them" he replied smiling.

"Enter the bath while I bring some ointment for them"

"Don´t worry, it is not necessary" Hephaestion said trying to minimize the problem.

"Of course, it is! if you don´t take care of them, they can get worse because your skin is so delicate" the King explained.

"I am neither a woman nor a baby to have delicate skin" he answered quite angrily.

"I know love, but you do have soft skin, especially here, …. and here ….. and here " the young King said while kissing the secret spot behind his ear, the inside of his tights and his manhood.

"That´s fine, I do have soft skin if that is the treatment required to heal my burnt" answered the General with a long sigh.

The great King brought his ointment, but before using it, he made his beloved lower in the bath; he bathed him with tender hands avoiding touching the sun burnt areas. Hephaestion got really relaxed with his lover´s care, because Alexander had been the only one allowed to take care of his wounds; the King had even stitched him when he got his large thigh wound: in fact Alexander didn´t allow – not even Phillip who was his personal doctor- to see his Hephaestion naked.

Alexander helped Hephaestion to step out of the bath and toweled him gently while the General was lying on their camp bed. Alexander spread his ointment on the burnt areas while massaging Hephaestion's tired muscles. When he finished, Hephaestion was deeply asleep and Alexander didn´t dare to wake him up. He covered his beloved with a thin sheet of Egyptian cotton and he sat on the couch near the bed to look after Hephaestion's sleep. Three hours later, a more rested Hephaestion opened his blue eyes to focus them on brown eyes which were staring him back.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Hephaestion asked still sleepy.

"Watching you sleep" Alexander whispered.

"Join me?" the General asked with a sexy voice and stretching out his left hand towards him.

"Are you sure?"

"Have you got any doubts, Sire?"

"Some …"

"Why?" Hephaestion asked while propping himself on his elbows. The sheet ran along his chest and revealed his pecs and a flat stomach; it also showed his scars, most of them gained defending his King.

Alexander approached the bed with admiration in his eyes, he couldn´t get tired of looking at his beloved.

"King of my heart, speak up your fears and get some sleep" Hephaestion tried to calm his lover.

"Do you regret about the life you have? I mean, you could have chosen to follow Aristotle´s path and become a great philosopher and thinker in Athens" he asked whispering.

"No, my King, I don´t keep any regret in my heart, my heart didn´t have an option, in fact, I didn´t have to choose because I felt instantly bonded to you since the very first moment we met. I wouldn´t have dare to leave you" the General explained.

"But you left me for eight years!"

"But not willingly. My parents took me against my will. You should remember"

"Yes, I was only teasing you but I do remember we made such a big scene and Cleitus had to take me back to my nanny Lanike, and I didn´t eat for two days" the King explained.

"Yes, you told me that in your first letter, but then you stopped writing so I thought you had forgotten me" Hephaestion said with a sad voice.

"I wrote to you for the first two years, almost once a week, but as I didn´t get any reply, I stopped."

"But I received only three letters" and saying that he went to his chest and took his wooden box – the one he used to keep Alexander's letters and gifts – and took those three letters. "Here they are so …. Where are the others?" Hephaestion asked with concern.

"Maybe your parents got them …" Alexander answered "and we discover this secret after twelve years."

"What about my invitation? Will you accept it now?" a naked Hephaestion asked with a warm voice.

"Of course, how can I deny anything to you?" Alexander answered while pulling off his chiton.

"You re the most handsome man I have ever seen!" Hephaestion whispered.

"Yes? Who have you been watching to compare me with?" a worried King asked.

"We are surrounded by thousands of men, Alexander" Hephaestion answered plainly.

"I know, but who will you compare me with?" he asked getting a bit upset.

"There are many handsome young pages around" Hephaestion said closing his eyes and putting his arms behind his head as if they were a pillow. "" Let me see : there´s Lysander from Perdicas´s unit; Theo from Ptolemy's, and the best four under my command; Hylas and Odysseus; and Jason and Keon, among others" Hephaestion answered sighing loudly.

He felt a strong blow in his shoulder that made him open his eyes in pain.

"Don´t you ever talk about others when I am naked in front of you and ready to make love! Have you listened to me, General Amyntoros? " and Alexander stressed each of the last seven words with punches to his General´s biceps.

Hephaestion caught Alexander's fists in his hands and threw him over his body; he caught Alexander's lower lip between his teeth and murmured against it:

"I love when you get jealous, my love, and if you have paid attention to me, you´d have discovered that all the boys I mentioned are lovers as we are" Hephaestion replied smiling.

"Oh, yes?" the young King asked, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"Yes, my love, you don´t have to worry about my love; it is yours and only yours till you decide and if you decide to take another lover, that would hurt me, of course, but it wouldn´t make me stop loving you, not even Death" Hephaestion confessed his true feelings after all the thinking he had done during his day in solitude.

"I won´t ever take another lover because you are unique" Alexander answered with passion in his voice.

"So after this lovers' fight, will you come and make love to me, my Xander?"

"You don´t have to ask me twice, my Phai!"

The two lovers were lost in each other´s arms and the young King would make everything it was in his hands to push his beloved's fears away, by the moment, loving him tenderly was a good beginning.

The end.

A/N: This mini index is for whom doesn't remember who is who in ancient Greek mythology.

**Phobos** is the embodiment of fear and horror . He is the offspring of Ares and Aphrodite. He was known for accompanying Ares into battle along with his brother, Deimos, the goddess Enyo, and his father's attendants

The sun was personified as **Helios** who was imagined as a handsome god crowned with the shining aureole of the sun, who drove the chariot of the sun across the sky each day to earth-circling As time passed, Helios was increasingly identified with the god of light, Apollo.

**Cassandra** (she who entangles men") was the daughter of King Priam and Queen Hecuba of Troy. Her beauty caused Apollo to grant her the gift of prophecy. However, when she did not return his love, Apollo placed a curse on her so that no one would ever believe her predictions.

**Hermes** is the messenger of the gods.

_**Moirai**__ - any of the three Greek goddesses of fate or destiny _

_Clotho__, __Klotho__ - the Greek goddess of fate who spins the thread of life_

_Lachesis__ - the Greek goddess of fate who determines the length of the thread of life_

_Atropos__ - the Greek goddess of fate who cuts the thread of life_


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